A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
