He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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