i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
