I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
