She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His nipple licking is glorious
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
