One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
