Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
