Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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