I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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