I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
