escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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