He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
