ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
