the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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