you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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