I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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