Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
