drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
