His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
