Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
