i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
