her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
