the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
