Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
