She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
