He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
