mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize