Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
