Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
