girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
