I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
