Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
