Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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