If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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