We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
