It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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