just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
