maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
