I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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