Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ruined the universe
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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