The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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