Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
