I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
