dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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