Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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