the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
