I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
