So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i will never coherently bang her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
