I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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