there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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