I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
