pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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