I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize