Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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