dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
