grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm jealous of your bromance
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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