Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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