OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
