Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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