i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
