She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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