no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
