so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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