I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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