when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
